做了件蠢事…Did something really stupid…

昨天早上做了一件蠢到無以復加的事情:要把一台再也不用的電腦的私人資料删掉,刪完Outlook的資料,這才發現我的Smart Phone手机跟電腦連在一起充電——同時也就是在自動同步的狀態!!!

Did something really stupid yersterday morning. I was trying to delete all personal data from a laptop to be retired. After deleting all the Outlook data, only then I realized my so-called “smart”phone was connected to the laptop. It was so smart that it worked perfectly on a function called “automatic sync whenever connected”…so it’s  a smart phone and I am a stupid girl!

果然,電腦裏的聯絡人資料全沒了,手機裏面也是一片空白…我的腦袋也成了一片空白…

All my contact info was gone, which includes everyone’s phone numbers, email address, birthday, my cheating notes on their kids’names…! Nothing in the Outlook, completely blank in the smartphone and my brain.

(1)拒絕 / Rejection

第一個階段是拒絕相信這個事實。試著“復原”我的“删除”——不行,“删除”是反白的,不能點選。試著“貼上”——說不定在剪貼簿裏,但是,並沒有。試著去“垃圾桶”、“Temp files“里找——找来找去就是影子都没有。

The first phase was rejection of buying the truth. I tried “Undo”(to reverse the stupid deletion), “Paste”(just in case it is still on the clipboard)…No, no, then what about digging the “Trash Can”or “Temp file”? Not even a sign of anything close.

还是拒绝相信。对着“复原“、”贴上“、“垃圾桶“点来点去,知道自己很不理智,像是强迫症发作。手机更惨了,连个可以点来点去的地方都没有,恨不得把所有的按钮都按一遍。所有人的电话、电邮、我在所有网站的用户名…全没了。

Still drowing in the Rejection mode. I clicked those Undo, Paste, Trash Can over and over. Some nerve was running at full speed, and apparently not a rational one. You cannot even redial anyone’s number from the phone as everything is gone. I just cannot believe it – it is all gone!

(2) 愤怒 / Anger

接着,就觉得既然回不来,就让它死到底吧。了不起就是半年不跟人联络,反正我自闭也不是一天两天的事。

Then, the feeling evolved into giving up with anger: “Since there is no way to get the data back, there is simply no way…at most I do not contact people for a few months. Nothing new to me anyway. What is that word my team mate used to describe me in b-school? Anti-social. That’s right. I can bring that back to life again. “

把“垃圾桶“清空,桌面有的没的连结全部删掉…只差没有把手机摔倒墙上。要是它是个人,我可能会对它吼说“要你这个空壳子干什么?“吧。

So I deleted everything in the Trash Can, deleted everything in the Temp File, deleted many folders, even all the shortcuts on desktop! And had a strong urge to shout at the SMARTphone – why do I need you, such an empty useless shell?!

原来我真的是很会迁怒的人。

Thus I saw clearly how anger can gush forth towards all sort of different directions.

(3) 接受 / Acceptance

浑浑噩噩过了一天,像个行尸走肉。

I dumped the old laptop to Taipei office IT with a vowing thought that I will never ever see that laptop again in this life. 晚上做个皈依,然后回家睡觉。什么事都等明天再说,就当归零,从新开始吧。

I, myself was like an empty shell for the rest of the day. Still, I went to the evening teaching on Shamatha and Vippasana, especially paying heeds to Rinpoche when he talked about antidote meditation against ignorance.  Should have learned this earlier. Then took the refuge and felt a bit like a new person to start all over again, at least after a good night sleep.

今天早上起来也就接受现实了。拿着用来还很不顺手的新电脑,帮什么都没有的它装上Office和Outlook,还有爱恨交加的ActivSync同步程式。竟然,新电脑跟手机不能连线…这算是”天将降大任于斯人也,必先劳其心志”吗?两边都重新开机几次,又删掉再装一次ActiveSync。新电脑终于抓到手机了…

So this morning I woke up and somehow accepted the reality. Yes, it is all gone. So I faced the reality, installed Office Suite and Outlook to the new laptop, and ambivalently the ActiveSync software –  Outlook went OK, but the new laptop had problems locating the phone, so I had to reboot both gears several times and even went through the re-installation with the new laptop. Seems I had a lot of patience this morning. Must have spent 2 hours on this. 

然后,奇迹出现了。

Then, miracle appeared. Finally the new laptop got connected to my phone.

它们竟然在同步,两边都是空空的什么都没有,不知是要同步什么~~ 但是,新电脑不知道从哪里接收到我的联络人资料,我玩了一下这些资料,真的是我的联络人哪~~太神奇了。

随便改改,新电脑和手机再一次“自动同步“,这些曾经失踪的联络人资料又在手机里出现了~ 难道上师加持还保佑软件资料修复的?果然佛陀通晓一切语言,想来低阶电脑程式语言也包括在内。

Not only that, they were actually synchronizing something. And then all my contact info appeared in the new laptop!!! and after a second sync, all these data got back to the phone. I know I am far from tech savvy but this is so beyond my comphrehension. I can only attribute this great luck to blessings manifesting in a least thinkable place – data repair. Haha.

***

这两天的三部曲让我想到绝症病人的典型阶段性反应:拒绝、愤怒、接受。要有痛苦才会体验到所谓的奇迹吗?

不去想那么多,只确定:只有接受之后,才有奇迹的到来。

This 3-phases process reminds me of the mental stages of cancer patients: rejection (it cannot be me), anger (it is unfair to happen on me), and acceptance (well, then this is it. let me think how to live the remaining days).

So miracle only comes after you accept the reality with a calm and open mind. 

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關於 bella.chao
a simple wandering being on the less beaten tracks in samsara

One Response to 做了件蠢事…Did something really stupid…

  1. 丽敏 says:

    应该是有原因的吧~~~

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